Caring for Elderly Parents While Working: What It Really Costs

If you're part of a working family and caring for an aging parent, you already know: it's not just your time that's being stretched — it's your bank account, your career, your health, and your future.

This isn’t a side gig. It’s a second full-time job. And the cost? It’s a silent drain that most families never plan for.

I’ve been there.

My parents worked their whole lives to give our family a good life. When my dad needed help, of course I stepped in. I became the caregiver — his Power of Attorney, his health care proxy, and his daily support system.

But what I didn’t expect was the complete chaos that came with trying to get him help. It was appointment after appointment, stacks of paperwork, confusing websites, and so many dead ends.

I remember being on hold for over an hour just trying to get answers — only to be hung up on in the middle of the hold music. It happened more than once. And when I did finally get through? The person on the other end didn’t have the answers either.

It shouldn’t be this hard. But for many of us in the working family, it is.

“Middle Class” Means You Pay for Everything

Here’s the hard truth: if you make "too much" to qualify for assistance, but not enough to comfortably pay out-of-pocket for care, you're stuck in the middle. That means:

• You can’t get Medicaid help.

• You don’t qualify for most subsidies.

• You often end up paying for in-home aides, supplies, transportation, and time off work — yourself.

And the system just assumes you’ll figure it out.

Real-Life Costs That Add Up Fast

Most caregivers spend an average of $7,000 to $10,000 per year out-of-pocket. But that doesn’t include the hidden costs:

• Lost income from reducing hours or leaving a job

• Missed career opportunities because your time is no longer your own

• Increased stress and health issues from always being "on"

• Retirement savings paused or wiped out to make ends meet

Some studies say family caregivers lose $300,000+ over a lifetime. And for what? For doing what any good child would do.

"Why Didn't Anyone Warn Me?"

This is the question I asked myself more times than I can count. This role doesn’t start all at once. It creeps in — slowly, then suddenly. One minute you’re just helping with a few things here and there, and the next, you're the entire care team.

No one gives you a manual. No one tells you what to expect. And yet, you're supposed to just figure it all out.

We Need to Talk About This More

If you’re in a working family, you already know — you’re not rich enough to pay for everything, and not poor enough to qualify for help. And while we’re juggling all of it — caregiving, careers, kids — most systems either ignore us or make things harder.

We don’t need more wellness tips or reminders to breathe. We need real support, real policies, and real people in our corner.

So What Can You Do Right Now?

Look, I’m not going to pretend there’s a magic solution. But here are a few real, doable things that might ease the load a bit:

1. Check Your State’s Programs

Some states (like New York with CDPAP) will pay family caregivers. It’s worth calling your local Area Agency on Aging to ask: “What’s available to family caregivers in my state?”

2. Look into Tax Help

There are tax credits and deductions that may apply. It's not a windfall, but every little bit helps. Ask a tax professional what caregiving expenses you can claim.

3. Put a Caregiver Agreement in Writing

If your parent is paying you for care, get it in writing. It protects you both and can be important down the road for Medicaid planning.

4. Ask for Support — Seriously

This is not weakness. Look into local respite programs, caregiver support groups, or even talk to your employer about flexibility. You don’t have to pretend to be superhuman.

5. Plan for the Long Haul

Even if you can only manage small steps — like starting a separate savings account or meeting with a financial advisor — it’s something.

You Deserve Better

I see you. I’ve been you. This stuff is heavy. It’s hard. And it can feel incredibly isolating.

I hope that by shedding light on what we as caregivers go through, I may be able to provide enough people with the tools, support, and real-talk guidance that I wish I had when I was in that situation.

Feeling stuck or unsure of what to do next? Let’s talk it out together.

🗓️ Click here to find a time on my calendar — no pressure, just a bit of conversation from one caregiver to another.

You’re doing more than most people will ever understand.

And no, you shouldn't have to go broke to do it.